ModestMira

A blog about one's journey, written by Mira

Monday, 20 September 2021

self-love and confidence diary


Loving one self is probably one of the hardest journeys to stumble through in life, as humans we have a tendency to self loathe and doubt very easily as if it was programmed in us from birth. We are always so quick to give ourselves that talking down to pet talk instead of uplifting ourselves. You almost think it's a crime, an inhumane act to speak and think nicely about ourselves. If it's not on how our outer self looks, it's our behaviour, thinking, logic and the list continues. 

However, if we don't consider ourselves worthy, then why would or should anyone else? Why is it so hard for us to be kind to ourselves foremost and give ourselves some slack if we are capable of doing that for others?

There are some individuals out there that naturally have self confidence and that inner love, for some it takes a lot more work. This was me. Before going further it's good to point out that there is a fine line between cocky type of confidence and humbled confidence. I am talking more on the lines of being content and understanding of our outer and inner selves. Truly appreciating what God had blessed us with and accepting of who we are as an individual. 




The introverted individual that I am, I was always the one to observe and listen rather than saying my two pence, which isn't always a bad thing but certainly got in the way of boosting my confidence. I use to find it daunting being around people for so many reasons such as; I never thought I had anything of value to say or what I may say will be considered laughable, instead I remained silent and would only listen. Not to mention when speaking up the disconcerting spotlight would be shining on you for those few seconds or minute, I dread the thought of people staring at my nose or features I wasn't quite happy with. Again leaving me with the thought I would be laughable. 




Growing up with an unusual shaped nose didn't help towards my confidence level, the transition from high school into college is where the struggle really began. Feeling very unsettled with the thought of not looking like everyone else with much 'smaller' and 'straight' nose, I would walk around finding ways to cover it. I would only allow people to take pictures with me straight on so no one could witness the abnormality of my side profile. I went as far as covering my side view with my hand if anyone was to sit next to me. Being told that the possibility of marriage would be difficult because of the shape of my nose, or men are only into small noses from family members threw my confidence way out of sight. Thinking about that now is completely ridiculous because firstly who gives a shit if a man doesn't appreciate your uniqueness and secondly marriage isn't the be all. I always believe the right person will love you for who you are and wouldn't want you to change an ounce of yourself. 

Something you may not accept about yourself, another will find it the most beautiful feature that shines through than any other. 


Of course the next best thing popped into mind- a nose job! Not condoning anyone for going ahead with procedures to make them feel more confident, it's whatever makes you happy. However, one of the best decision in life was not going ahead with a rhinoplasty. I went ahead with consultations and planning to get myself in debt just so I could have a nose like everyone else. Until one night I sat on my bed in tears thinking why am I changing something that God had blessed me with, who am I to alter that?

If anything my nose is a symbol of; growth, character, hardships, strength, history and most importantly lessons that I have had to entail through life. Rather than hiding such a powerful statement I should embrace it. 


In the end I didn't go ahead with it, I decided to learn to love this flaw of mine, to nourish and appreciate the unique beauty God had blessed me with. 

Overtime it has also made me realise that there is so much more to life than how we look, inner beauty is what radiates throughout and is portrayed outwardly.  


I have definitely come a long way since then and although those passing thoughts still pass, I shrug it off more often than so because I'm becoming more content with who I am. This is who I am and I will continue to learn and flourish. As you grow older and with age you learn to not care what others may think because believe it or not everyone is so absorbed with their own problems that they don't have time to think and dwell on what you're thinking of at that moment. 






Over the years I have found working on myself, reading self-help books, taking part in courses, do things I enjoy, take a day out to do something out of your routine, learning gratitude and grace has aided towards a better level of confidence. Truly taking a day out of your week to pamper yourself increases better understanding and love towards ourselves. 

I've always been one to enjoy spending time with myself, it's difficult for me to spend a huge amount of time around people this including my most cherished one's (sorry hubby and mama!). This is something I've learnt over time that I need at least 30 minutes in the day just to myself, otherwise I start acting out of character. I need quiet time, a moment to hear my thoughts and the uncontrollable buzzing in my mind. Being with my own energy, body, mind and soul allows me to breathe and to really delve into myself.  

I have always had this trait from a very young age but I'm actually not afraid to be alone. I rather enjoy being in my own company. Even though, I do love the time spent with friends and family, I do love my own company. It's just finding the balance of the company spent.






Embracing a part of us we don't truly want to accept ourselves is not an easy journey, heck it is one of the most strenuous and draining path to entail. However, it is one of the most rewarding and uplifting feeling to absorb. To accept every little nooks and crannies about ourselves and feel confident to go out in this world with it. Self-confidence takes a lot of work, time and patience. We all have our great days and our worst, which is completely in it's normal. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, tilt that head of yours up, take a deep breath and show the world how exquisites you truly are. 





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Tuesday, 31 August 2021

The Year 27


One chapter closes and another welcomes you with open arms. The year of 26 was a gracious year to say the least, there were life changing events, a couple of bumps along the road and some of my happiest moments all wrapped up in one. Overall I am a little sad to see it go but excited to see what the year of 27 brings! 


There is so many discussions to have being on the other side of the twenties, the older side shall we say. The side nearing to the dreadful (queue dramatic music) thirties. In all honesty as I am nearing to the year three zero I'm quite intrigued and exhilarated to reach such a pivotal moment in life. Even though I do moan about being old, a thought we all have silently lurking in the back of our minds. I always consider the years being young. 






This year has taught me many things but it has most certainly coached me in the life of independence, living away from family and adjusting to a new life with my husband. It has been a joyful rollercoaster and I wouldn't change a thing. We have always been a very close knit family and to be away from them in another city has been a challenge, not to mention an overload of emotions. Slowly with the essence of time, living so far is becoming slightly easier. 


The hardest part of it all was enduring the pitiful feeling of loneliness. 


I think this is something that isn't talked about so often when leaving home and starting a whole new journey in another city or country for some. As much as I adore my husband and practically spend every minute together, as women we always crave that feminine energy, a girlfriend or companion. This is something I have really been struggling with, as easy it is to say 'Oh why don't you just make new friends?' As an adult its just not that simple and in all honesty it's just another drawn-out process that can run you ragged. Especially with the harrowing anxiety feeling looming over you. 

Over time I have realised dynamics of relationships have changed a little due to moving away and instead I am appreciating my own company in a different light. Embracing the time I have with just me. Relying on God and myself. Soaking up the tranquilness from my own solitude. 


My relationship with God hasn't been the strongest but it is something I want to work harder on during this time.


However, not all is so morbid being on the other side of the twenties, in actuality I have never felt so securer in myself. Whilst the years go by I have always felt a little more confident and a little more wiser in who I am. Simply not giving a rat ass about what anyone thinks of me, in a non self absorbent or rude manner but with more of a self-accepting mindset and unnecessary criticism being ignored. As I continue to grow in knowledge, self and inward understanding, I am reshaping my mind, giving it strength and becoming that much more head strong. Readjusting the crown we once called the mind. 







The year 26 has been a year that has taught me a lot about myself, which will of course continue. It has gifted me with incredible experiences, wisdom along the way, a lot of realisation and all in all a year to think back to. Undoubtedly it has dragged me out from my cosy comfort zone and into the concealed unknown with the exception of having my best friend (hubby) along for the ride. As scary as it may sound, I think it has been one of the best things to have happened, helping me better in countless ways. Allowing me to appreciate family, companionship, health, and time considerably more. Some of which was easily attainable but now difficult to work around. 






I still have so much to go through in life, many plans, ideas, investments and experiences to endure but I always say it's the journey that makes the destination much more fulfilling. 

I look forward to what the year 27 brings ahead, most importantly just grateful that I am given another chance to live life abundantly each day.  



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Thursday, 17 June 2021

Jewellery Staples - favourite brands





Jewels or jewellery have always been a sign of adornment, such delicate and beautiful creations to beautify oneself with. I have always had an admiration for the the little gems, especially earrings. I find they complete an outfit or make a perfect gift. There is so much more to jewellery than we think. 

I know speaking from my own stance, I have jewellery that I will simply wear everyday because it holds value or sentiments to me. However, I have a collection that I simply wear for special occasions. That's the thing with them, they hold more than just an added thing to an outfit, jewellery holds meaning, a special place in ones heart.  

Therefore its important to grab yourself that ever lasting set of jewels, the worst thing after finding the perfect piece is later down the line it begins to fade into that vomit green. I am sure we have all been through that distraught feeling of 'eurgh now I've got to chuck it away?!"

There is so much fun to have when styling certain jewellery pieces, you can never have enough of stacking and layering to really elevate a look. Although I feel I still have a long way to go with my jewellery collection, a girl has got to share her staples and favourites in the bling game. 


MISSOMA

Great place to shop if you're into stack and load, layering those necklaces to really upgrade ones look.

 


PILGRIM

Is a danish brand that caters to making you feel beautiful in their unique pieces. 


DAISY LONODN JEWELLERY

Daisy London have the best dainty pieces to add to your collection. If you're also a little stuck on where to begin your luxury jewellery collection this would be the best place to start. 


PANDORA

Known for it's classic and staple pieces, you also have the option to build your own charm bracelets with their large variety of stylish charms. I also find Pandora to be the ideal gift for another. 

 


MEJURI

Mejuri is all about fine jewellery for those every day moments. 


PD PAOLA 



ASTRID & MIYU

Perfect styles, shapes and sizes for those ear jewels, if you love to adorn your little ears this is the right place to head. 






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Tuesday, 20 April 2021

Worldly Attachments- a more simple way of living



March has been an extremely overwhelming and busy month to say the least. Finally making the big move and uprooting to Birmingham to be with my husband has finally been achieved. Through the rigourous moments of packing, saying my good byes and making the transitions. It has taught a few lessons that will be carried through out time. 

Let's be completely honest with ourselves and ask 'Who loves to pack?'. Now living in a much smaller space I have had to make the conscious decision of minimising the amount I truly need to own. Folding away what is actually memories, experiences and special moments in storage bags or the resale/charity pile. It was without doubt incredibly difficult throwing out sentimental pieces (ending with most being kept) and making the decision to move on without some of my favourites. 





So why do we hold such attachments to worldly things? I am not a materialistic individual, nevertheless I hold great value towards sentimental pieces. Holding on to pieces that remind me of my happiest moments shouldn't be such a crime should it? 


Whilst clearing and deciding what's to stay and what's to go, I ended up stumbling down a nostalgic tunnel; the dress I wore to mine and hubby first date, crumpled up receipts scrunched in the corners of small bags, old blouses carrying make up stains from hugging my dear ones, stuffed tissues and loose change found in coat pockets from endless nose sniffling and rushing around, stitches undone and questionable marks found on jeans worn during some amazing adventures. Clearly pieces you can't simply just throw away and not come back to. Sat idly in my wardrobe as little souvenirs to my most favourite moments in life. 

Gathering massive amounts of clothes isn't warrant and definitely not advisable when downsizing. Picking up the courage to make such decisions, even if holding sentimental greatness. The motto was if I hadn't worn it in the last six months or I couldn't picture myself wearing it at all, it was thrown in the 'no go' pile. 

In all honesty, as the pile of clothes reduced the levels of stress, anxiety and mind clutter decreased with it. 




Which reminded me of a book I was reading a few months ago but didn't quite finish; 'Wabi Sabi: Japanese Wisdom for a Perfectly Imperfect life.' By Beth Kempton. The perfectly imperfect life full of simpleness. To free the mind of clutter and unnecessary belongings and to only fill your mind and self with what's required. 


What we own and the belongings we carry around with us extends further to our own mental and physical being, meaning the less the better. Further illustrating that what we have ownership over extends to our soul and character. Therefore, to live a simple life is a much freer life.  

This ideology really struck a cord with me as I have always experienced this whenever clearing out and with this being one of my biggest clear outs it struck even deeper.  

Yes, I kept a few sentimental pieces of clothes and homeware. I also let go of many bits that didn't require my love anymore and had the chance to be given to someone else who could. Clearing out and packing is never so easy. Though, it's made me recognise that I need to be more conscious of what to keep and what to let go. In order to lead a life much more lighter and minimal.

Clutching dearly to unnecessary attachments can be an unhealthy obsession, with a mind set that holding onto them for sake of it will bring us back to that very moment in life. When we all know a creased silk shirt is no time travel portal that can whizz us back to the past. 






What is more crucial is our sense of self, to feel free and not be bogged down by the weight of such avoidable bonds. 




Life shouldn't feel so heavy, it should feel free and liberating. Personally, I plan to attain a lifestyle which incorporates the fundamentals of Wabi Sabi, to appreciate the simple things in life. To live and let go and hold on to recollections through other means. Instead of hoarding an inessential amount of objects to lug around with me that take up needed space. 

I still have a long way to go to achieve such goals, it will definitely be a daily thought, a habit and a way of life. 



I choose the road of simpleness. 



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Wednesday, 10 February 2021

The greatest love story




February, the month of love. The month where people scatter into different catergories; the 'I love this month and going to spend it with my partner', the 'I don't need no man, I got my girls' (galentines), the 'Ew corny month' and the 'What? What month is it?'. Whichever category you fall into this year or have been in the last couple of years, I want to ask you a serious question? 

When do you ever take time out in this "love" month for you? Or any month for that matter? 

Yep that's right, hardly. 

We all appreciate, show affection and have love for our dear ones but what about the love we have for ourselves? I am not against the idea of being completely infatuated with my partner especially during valentines and showing him how much I cherish him. I have always been a hopeless romantic at heart and super grateful I can now be that with my husband (big time love for ya baby!). However, love shouldn't be contained into one department, mainly considered the romanticised love most strive for. It doesn't just stop at the love you have for your partner, parents, siblings, family and close friends either. 




In fact it begins with you. 


Love comes in all forms, shapes and sizes.


The love we have for our minds, body and soul is just as important as the love we show for others. There is not one way to love, love can be shown in so many variations of course in a positive and healthy light only. Appreciating and admiring every little thing about you. Whether that's flaws and imperfections, it's truly accepting those parts of you and riding with it or finding a way to better it. Not to say it's easy, it's probably the most challenging part of living to accept every single part of you (good or bad) and run with it. To welcome the imperfect and rewire your brain to adore and endorse it. It's definitely something I have struggled with, physical and non physical. 





Love has never been an easy journey. People write about it, sing about it, film movies on it and it's never as simple as that. Though, everyone can always resonate with it because one way or another everyone has a story to tell when it comes to love. Whether that's love for another or love for yourself. 


The greatest love story is the the love story you write with yourself.


The love story we write for ourselves is a ceaseless story or journey we continue to compose. It's an endless love. It's never easy to write and entails many paths of scribbling outs, confusion, self-loathing, twists and turns but in the end it's always you that comes out stronger, confident and most liberated. It's you that learns and grows as you pursue yourself. Mastering the many forms of love towards yourself such as; kindness, appreciation, gratitude, patience, understanding, communication and listening. 




Truly listening to what your heart, mind and soul requires. 

After all you can write multiple novels on the unconditional and undivided love you have for your  soul mate, mother, best friend or whoever that person may be. But the most greatest love story you'll ever write is the love story you write with yourself. Why?






There will never be another you, there is only one unique story that can be told when it comes to the love you have for you. 



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Wednesday, 20 January 2021

The simple things


More than ever, especially the times we are living right now, we come to really appreciate the little things in life. Something so simple as the ability to get up and wash your face with warm water; to go downstairs and make yourself a hot cup of tea to warm yourself up for the day; to cuddle up to a love one whilst watching a movie whilst feeling safe and at peace. It's little things like this we come to appreciate and to not reside in the thoughts of what we don't have. 



Life is almost at a standstill point right now, for myself anyways. The hustle and bustle we were once so consumed in, isn't so much a thing in these current climate. Just stillness and silence. 

Can you feel that? 

Can you hear that?

Can you see that? 

Feeling every emotion, thought, sensation in this very present moment. That's exactly what it is, it has forced us to appreciate the very present moment, the here and the now. A thought we don't so much like to entertain because we are so busy busy and on the go. Keeping busy to sidetrack ourselves so we don't have to deal with certain things that pass through our forever mind. An escape. Escaping is of course worthwhile but can we afford to be escaping endlessly? 




Well if not for a perpetual solution, I am sure a temporary diversion will do no harm and more good if anything. Leading to a day me and the family decided upon a trip to our local beach to get away and breathe in fresh air. A brisk, frosty, blue sky, wintery afternoon; with our boots covered in sand, our coats tightly wrapped keeping us warm, the sun gleaming on our face, the brisk wind hitting us from all directions, a view of the sea before us leading to the unknown, all nothing but nature surrounding us. 

Perfect stillness. 

Serenity at it's finest. Complete and utter silence, hearing your own breath as you take in the cold air around you. A endless escapism may not be the answer but to getaway for a few hours and surround yourself in nature is a beautiful temporary fix. Completely simple yet so beneficial and practical. To find yourself in natures brace and fill your mind with peace and calmness, appreciating headspace from all the unnecessary mind chatter. Stripping yourself away and realising that Mother Nature always has your back. 






It's the plain, undemanding and simple things like this we come to appreciate in the end. 


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